Posted by: noturreality | June 4, 2008

G.M. Shifts Focus to Tennis Shoes, Ditches Trucks, SUVs and some 30,000 Jobs

G.M. Shifts Focus to Tennis Shoes, Ditches Trucks, SUVs and some 30,000 Jobs

-spoof-

Detriot – General Motors Corp. will eliminate 30,000 jobs and close 9 North American plants, drastically cutting production of the sport utility vehicles and pickups.

In announcing the changes, G.M.’s chairman and chief executive, Rick Wagoner, said $4-a-gallon gas prices had forced a “structural shift” by American consumers away from large vehicles into more fuel-efficient cars and even tennis shoes – according to an insider.

Yes, tennis shoes and/or running shoes.  One insider has said that G.M. is basically declaring the S.U.V. is dead and the production of tennis shoes is the way to go.

G.M. believes oil prices are changing consumer behavior, changing it rapidly, and before it’s too late people will be walking again.  G.M.’s thinking is who wants a 14-mile-per-gallon-soccer-mom-SUV when you can buy a pair of tennis shoes for the price of a gallon of gas and get just as far.

This reporter agrees.

 

But the 30,000 losing their jobs have a different take.  They plan on buying the new line of G.M. shoes.  They also plan on scaling a foot or two straight up G.M.’s ass, as well as a few oil executives. 

 

“I’ll give ’em a structural shift,” said one out-of-job Canadian. “A ‘structural shift’ right up their ASS’ A!  Their SUV just ran out of gas! Tennis Shoes? They won’t be able to walk after I’m done with ’em”

 

Again, this reporter agrees.

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